Robert Burns Scottish Party and Those SAGS

Hello,hello headbandits!!

I went to the sickest party ever last night with a friend who is a friend of the host.

I don’t even know where to begin. I ate so much food. It was a buffet only dreams are made of. They had everything-ham, turkey, KFC chicken, lots of salads, haggis, etc. etc. I didn’t try the haggis though.

They had a room full of wine and expensive cheese-the cheeses were AWESOME especially Cougar Gold (a local fav that I just tried last night). The had a Scotch tasting room with big fish bowl glasses. I didn’t even drink. My firends tried to get me to. I don’t have much experince with alcohol or like it much for that matter. I had it in the big glass but it was confusing on how to get it down. It touched my lips and burned and I had enough-haha!

I just had fun conversing with the different people. I met this Ryan Reynolds look a like with a beard who had the best taste in literature. I’m talking Ginsberg, Thoreau, Emerson,David Foster Wallace, Salinger, and on and on. It was a treat talking to someone with such taste in lit. It’s hard to find people with such great taste in literature who isn’t in college. I really enjoyed talking to him.

Then I LOVED the Burns reading. It was so much fun. I didn’t know it was a thing at this party. People came prepared to read one of his poems. It was a competition of sorts. You were supposed to do it in a Scottish accent but I didn’t know how.  Next year I will come more prepared but the host let me read one out of his Burns book.  It made me miss my college days because we used to do readings all the time. I really wanted to do it to win a prize hahaha but it was fun too. I won a pair of  sweet tartan mugs. Heck yah! Afterwards a lot of people said how well I did. The host even said I did so well and I got a personal invite back from him for the following year. Pretty cool for a novice like me. 

 Then a group of us downstairs were just shooting breeze and telling jokes…..jokes! I forgot how much fun it is to just sit around telling jokes. Used to do that with my cousins as kids.

Def have more stories like how the host thought I was double fisting drinks in red solo cups, but it was just water in one and short bread cookies in the other (homemade-OMG SO GOOD). LOL I live for nights like this. Thanks for the invite Dan (a co-worker). This is what life is about…connecting. It was super super fun. 

I met some cool  people. This one gal I met was so bubbly and had a huge personality. She asked if I was an artist and I said yes. Then she said I was a fairy. She said I had good energy and was bubbly and vivacious and will go far in life. :)

This is what I wore. Most all of it is thrifted but the tee is Gap and the headband is Rue21. So fun!! Bunny not included. It’s my friend’s Sarah’s, Elizabeth Bennett aka Lizzie Boo (that’s what I call her). She’s a doll.

burns night

Here’s before the night during the day: me and Ruthy just chilling.

We match!

baby ruth

The Friday before. This past Friday. I finally found french macaroons!! It’s hard to find them in my city. We are big but small compared to some. We aren’t no NY or LA. Omg they were so cute and tasty.

macaroons

Great weekend.

Hey! Did you watch the SAGs?? I thought they were on the 30th but they have all the outfits last night so maybe it’s just filmed and showed later.

I’m still gonna do a Globes recap, but here are my favorites for 2016 SAGS:

In no particulat order:

  1. Ana Farris in the red Naeem Kann gown. I love the shape and color. I like how it’s a vintage style but with a modern twist with the slit.
  2. Kristen Wig in Roland Mouret. I love when someone does a pant at an event like this. She just looks super edgy and cool.
  3. Sofia Vergara! I LOVE this. She noramlly does the same va-va-voom shape and dress. This is still the dress but it’s usually sequin or something. I love the fresh take on the shape she always goes for. That color is divine.
  4. Brie Larson in the powder blue high slit Versace. I just love the high slit, color, and shape. It’s innovative and fresh to me.
  5. Emilia Clarke in the hot pink full skirt,deep v ball gown. Love the vintage shape, again, but with a modern twist.
  6. Rachel McAdams in the Elie Saab champagne and lace crop topish with full skirt. She looks so fresh and cool.
  7. Uzo Aduba in the emerald green glitter Zac Posen. Reminds me of the Emerald City. Looks stunning on her.

*all SAG photos from instyle.com and I give all the credit to the photographers there.

Who were your  favs?? The trends I saw, which make me so happy, were:

cut outs

high slits on one leg

deep v’s almost done to the belly button but someone they looked tasteful.

a lot of form fitting column type dresses.

ahhhh I LOVE all the color too. They had tons of color at the Globes too. It’s nice for me because I get bored of black all the time. I’m glad some are taking risks.

I have some honorable mentions too. It’s actually longer than the main list lol.

  1. Naomi Watts in the blue flower column dress with black sash around the waist. It was Burberry. She always looks great.
  2. Juliane Moor in the Givenchy lime green sequin dress. I just wish it was a big tigheter.
  3. Saoirse Ronan in the long sleeve blush speckled long sleeve Michael Kors dress. She looked effortless. I dug her messy hair too.
  4. K. Shipka Erden. The madmen girl! I never watched the show. She wore a Erdem dark purple sweetheart strapless ball gown with silver flowers. She looked great.
  5. C. Brownstein in the tea length grey-silver gown with faint graphic print and deep v that is covered by sheer material.
  6. Marissa Tomei in Zuhair Murad’s long sleeve v-neck ruched hunter green gown with the sequins. Very pretty.
  7. Eva Longoria in Julien Macdonald. It was more of a army green. long sleeve deep v studded and exposed skin slits. Column dress style. She looked great.
  8. J. Pare in Kaufmanfranco. Black silt dress. Very interesting siholette. It had a high necklace with no sleeves of sorts. Cut outs on the sides of her stomach. But the front had the cut out and it flared out in an A-line style and had pockets. Very cool and unique.
  9. January Jones in Schiaparelli Haute Couture. The mint green chiffon dress was stunning. Very ethereal. It had too much fabric though.

 

 

I will try to do the Globes recap here soon. I have it all written down.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

Stay fabulous.

 

Spades forever!

 

xoxo,

 

 

H

 

 

 

I want to Forgive but I can’t Forget You… I’m Scared You’ll Forget About Me

LC cry one tear

Headbandits!

Do you ever just cry a single tear about people who aren’t in your life anymore? I mean sometimes it happens. You just grow apart or are pulled apart by forces you can’t control. It makes me really sad though sometimes. Usually at night.

I was thinking about the last guy I dated. Read about him here. I kind of miss him even though he was a little mean to me at the end. I don’t know much else to say about him. I don’t think he’s a bad person. Does he miss me? I have no idea. He’s going through stuff and it’s not the right time for him to be in a relationship. I had a good time with him when he was being nice and I miss how goofy he was.

The title of this post is a mix of quotes. The first part is a play on LC from “The Hills” when she is so hurt by her former best friend Heidi. She’s like, “I want to forgive and forget you.”

But for me, it’s hard to forget people. I want to forgive him, but I can’t forget how he made me feel (that’s also another quote-people will forget what you said, but never how they made you feel). I liked hanging out with him. He’s fun,goofy,and sweet, but he isn’t in a good place currently; at least that is what I surmised. It’s hard. I kind of get it. When I went through my stuff this summer, I wasn’t around people much or in a place to be with someone or even want to be with someone.

I like to think people are good at heart and believe he’s a good person. It’s hard though because sometimes you have to see them for who they are at the current moment in time. They might be a good person but not right now. That’s my problem. I see people for who they could be.

And maybe he doesn’t feel that way about me anymore but whatever. Someone once told me, “you have to feel what you feel” and I do.  The time we had was fun and sweet and I guess I have to appreciate it for what it was. And sometimes that might be all the time you have with someone so just go with it.

But it makes me sad that we still can’t have more times like that.

The other part of the title is from John Mayer’s “Edge Of Desire.” I used it in another post too, but the best part of the song is, “There I just said it I’m scared you’ll forget about me.” I think that part is so honest and to the point and really resonates with me. I think when you drift apart from people for whatever reason, that is always in the back of your head. Don’t forget about me. Read the lyrics here. It’s kind of a heartbreaking song but I like how real it is and it’s a true condition of life whether is be a breakup of friendship, significant other, etc.

This also reminds me of that line in the movie “Stand By Me.” It’s like (more or less), “friends come and go like busboys in a restaurant.”

It is sad and I don’t know what to make of it. It’s happened before for me with friends. It used  to be really hard for me. But people grow and change and I guess I have to accept that.

Still, my heart breaks a little that I might not see him again. I truly wish him the best. Maybe he isn’t for me. Maybe it’s not the right time. Maybe I will never see him again. Maybe it will never be the right time.

But I can smile and appreciate the moment in time we did have. That time will never change.

 

xoxo,

 

 

H

2015 In Pictures

Headbandits!

Here’s some of what I had go down in 2015 in picture form.

 

 

brooklyn bridge tat

 

My best friend died the second week or so of December 2015. He was only 25. He had a torn aorta that was undetected. It is tragic really. I got t his tattoo for him. He and I both love New York. Lucky for him, he got to go at the end of September 2015,maybe early October. This is a tatto oof the Brooklyn Bridge, a personal favorite of mine. In rom coms there’s this thing where couples plan to meet on the Brooklyn Bridge like if they are fighting and want to forgive and forget what had happened and start over. They meet in the middle of the bridge and that means it was meant to be. A little diff context but this is for James Wiecks. We both love NY. I’m glad he got to go before he passed. I know one day we will meet again though. This is for you buddy. Read the original post here.

I got a bunny! Her name is Ruthy. She is a doll. I just love her. She is so sassy and fun. I got her a week before Christmas 2015, I’d say. She is everything.

Also when I got my Brooklyn Bridge tattoo, I also got two others. I got a semi-colon because I have anxiety and I had a break down in the spring of 2015 after I broke up with my first serious boyfriend. It was hard and I haven’t said much about it on here, but I got this tattoo to remind myself that I don’t have to be defined by my past and that my life is going on. It was so hard during the moment,but I am so much stronger.

Of course I had to get me a spade tattoo!! I love it.

Below:

(top left corner) The blue tutu was my 25th birthday. It wasn’t my best birthday but I did wear that outfit to work.

(top middle) I saw weird Al with my brother in 2015. What a fun concert. That was the first time I’ve seen him in concert.

(top right). I cut my hair in late October of 2015. I got rid of 12 inches. After all I went through, it just felt good to move on and start fresh.

(below the tutu pic) I then decided to get a bunch of blonde highlights. I do it in the fall usually. It’s funny because most people go darker in the fall/winter. Not me.

(below the blonde hair pic) I got my nose pierced and a third ear piercing around November 2015. So fun!

(braid picture) I got really into braids at the end of 2015. I can’t do them myself but lately I enjoy getting them done. I can usually get them done for $15-20 bucks.

(bottom pictures) My first real design. It’s basically an unconventional (made out of paper, etc) challenge I did that was at the mall but promoted this New Years Eve event that is big in our town. I got kicked out though because it isn’t “family friendly.” hahah Don’t get it but the place where I live is super conservative. It’s annoying to say the least. You tell me how it isn’t “family friendly.” Some people!

 

Other things I got into in 2015:

Eminem,some rap. I wish I could rap myself. I think it is such talent. My friend at work, Allen, can spit off a few raps off his head like by other artists. It’s impressive.

Stones. I got into them because my first boyfriend was super into them. He’d always give me rose quartz rocks that he’d find. They are very beautiful. I thank him for that because now I’m super into stones but especially turquoise. That is my all time fav. I have a collection going on. It’s just something I never really marveled at before him.

Booties. I mean I know they’ve been around for a while but especially in 2015, end of 2014 I got into them a lot. You can really wear them year round. They look good with pants, shorts, dresses, ankle pants, etc. I love!

Pants. I know that isn’t new but I used to wear dresses year round. I still like dresses, but I’ve been a little more laid back in the way I dress. I think pants can be so cool.

Hmmm I had a list of other stuff but it’s in my car or somewhere. If I find it, I will update this.

More posts to follow!

 

Stay fabulous!

Spades forever!

 

xoxo,

 

H

 

 

I want you so bad I’ll go back on the things I believe

Hey there headbandits.

This is a more serious post. I guess. I dated three guys in 2015. The one was my serious boyfriend (ha or serious to me) that I write about quite a bit. The other was just a week long fling (more on that later) and the third was about a month and a half-two months, I think.

I’m kind of sad about it but sometimes people aren’t ready or the timing is off or maybe they weren’t right for me in the first place.

So I wasn’t even going to go out with him in the first place but then I was just like, what the heck. I’m glad I did because we really hit it off. He was just chill,goofy, and fun to be around. Like me. I really liked how goofy he was. He was sweet too and could cook. I could tell he was raised like me. Our first date was ice skating. It was so fun and he could skate. Ice skating is one of my favorite things to do and it’s hard to find a guy who will do it. He liked tennis like me too and yeah we hung out quite a bit for a week. One of his favorite movies is Wimbledon and I love that movie too, so we watched that. “Love means nothing in tennis. It only means you lose.”-from the movie. It confuses me for sure but I think in life love means you win.

We seemed to be getting along and maybe it was too much at first for him but then he freaked and said he couldn’t do this and how I didn’t want to be with him because he was too emotional and blah blah blah. Had stuff going on,stuff to work on. I don’t know, it made me mad more than anything because I just thought it was a bunch of excuses. If something is working, I say go for it. Being with someone is always a risk and I’m willing to take the risk to see if it works. If you don’t, you’re holding yourself back, I think anyways. So then I was just like, “ok. just forget about me then.”

I didn’t mean it literally. It’s from a song-“Let it Go” by James Bay. I guess he took it literally. He deleted me off facebook and wouldn’t take my calls. Come to find out later, he blocked my number.

It bothered me because I just thought he was scared and running. I needed to see him again and talk to him, so I wrote him a letter. It was nice and sweet. I didn’t think he’d answer it honestly. I thought he’d throw it. I was basically like, “hey don’t be scared. Stuff happens. I’m not perfect either. I want to be there for you.”

Well he answered it via facebook. He messaged me on Christmas. It was cute really. We hung out on Christmas night and it was good to see him. He said he blocked me because I told him to forget about  him. Ok, fair enough, I thought. Makes sense.

When someone tells you who they are the first time, believe them.

Then some weird stuff happened on New Years Eve and the day after. He pulled away again and said sorry again. I forgave him.

We hung out for a week and had a good week, I thought. I was sick and he took care of me. We got into “Breaking Bad.” That show is so insane.

Then I had a dream that had him in it. It was weird haha and had us doing illegal activities lol but the basis of it was that he was running away again. In real life, I wondered if it had any merit to it. I asked someone who studied psychology and she said sometimes dreams are what are subconscious knows to be true but our conscious doesn’t want to admit it.

I guess I always knew he’d run off again. When you’re so that back and fourth, it’s bound to happen again. I guess I knew there was always a time limit with us. I was ready, he wasn’t. I didn’t want to admit it though. I guess I believe in him more than he believes in himself.

The last time he left got pretty ugly. He said some hurtful things to me. He used something that is very personal to me against me. It was such a low blow. I guess he’s just acting out but it’s no excuse. It hurts so much just because I know he’s better than that and I know he was raised better. He’s a child though right now. I’m an adult. It hurts to because he supposedly has been hurt a lot in the past; he knows better. He shouldn’t treat someone like that. No one should.

As much as I like him and care about him, I can’t do it. Not if he keeps pushing me away and doesn’t want someone who is caring.

Did I take it personally though?….No. A year ago I would have. But I know much more this time around and I know when people act like that it’s not about me. It’s about the issues they have with themselves. It does not excuse the behavior, but I know I did nothing wrong and treated him so well. It’s on him now and his conscious.

Do I want to be with him?…Yeah. It hurts.

Is he the one for me?…No. Not with that attitude.

The whole thing was like a rom com honestly.

The thing is I know who I am and I am confident. I will not let someone speak to me that way and I hope he learns that he can’t treat people like that. It’s disgusting.

Would I ever be with him?….Who knows. Maybe he grows up in a few years. But I’m not waiting around and honestly I can forgive him but it’s hard to forget. The damage is already done.

Still it’s hard when you see a spark between someone but they don’t believe in themselves enough. But it’s not the right time, place, or even the person for me.

Growing up is hard. But fun. I learn so much about myself through other people and the experiences I have.

I know I’ve been hurt before, but I’m not letting it stop me try again for love or whatever.

 

xoxo,

 

 

H

 

 

More on that 2015…

Headbandits!

I forgot to tell you some funny stuff that happened to me in 2015.

 

  1. I got stalked on vacation at my hotel by cops and apparently someone called them on me because I was “driving erratically.” I was going the speed limit. Apparently that isn’t cool where I was. Then the cops weren’t talking to me they were talking to my mom because they thought I was too young. It was me and yes, that was my car. I was pretty mad about it but it’s funny now.
  2. I got pulled over again here where I live for “driving erratically” again. I was messing with my radio, which don’t do kiddies, and I guess I swerved a little in the outside lane. I didn’t recall that or think it was a big deal. I was in the far right lane and I see people all the time going over the line just to have more room. The cop thought I was a heroine addict….that was a new low for me.
  3. I got kicked out of a local design competition for not being “family friendly.” It’s ridiculous. I will share a picture soon. Where I live is very conservative and, to me, what I made is what people are wearing now in fashion. It’s going to be funny as heck when I’m a famous designer one day. It’s actually funny because it’s more or less an unconventional challenge and I made a crop top with a long skirt and a peplum. I am unsure how that isn’t “family friendly.” Shallow understanding from people of goodwill is more frustrating that absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will, like MLK JR. says. I really relate to that quote in situations like that. I was having fun with it and being creative. I guess uniqueness and being an individual isn’t appreciated where I live. I will NEVER apologize for being myself and having a point of view.

 

There were probably other stories but those are definitely what I remember most.

 

 

xoxo,

 

 

H

Goodbye 2015

Hello,hello headbandits!

Sorry I still haven’t done any outfit posts. I haven’t been snapping too many pics of what I’m wearing. I’m just living life I guess and forget. I may have a few though.

Hopefully you had a good New Year and it’s starting off good. I’m going to do a quick recap of my year. I changed and grew so much. It was a good year for the most part just the middle was terrible and I hated it. The hardest thing happened to me. I never thought I’d get through it. I still haven’t’ written much about it. I don’t like to think about it. I will eventually but I still think it’s pretty fresh.

My year of 2015:

  1. Bought myself a new car. It’s a 2013 and black. So so cute. I’m not saying what kind it is though because I don’t want to get stalked. haha! I’m really proud of this purchase. I bought my car before this one too but it was used and I put so much money into it. It wasn’t worth it anymore.
  2. I had my first serious relationship. It was quick in terms of time frame,but it got serious fast. I’ve written about it quite a bit on here if you’ve been following along. It was hard because I got my heart broken. It was rough during the time because I had never felt the emotions of it all. Being a couple, losing it all. I’ve learned so much from it though now and see it in a different light looking back. It’s always harder in the moment. My ex and I are still friends now. For a long time I couldn’t talk to him. I will always care about him and always hold a special place in my heart for him.
  3. I had a break down mentally after we broke up. That’s the hard thing I’m talking about but it’s hard to write about still. I took time off work for a while just because I totally lost it….more on that later if I can. I actually lost my job for a bit because I wasn’t better by the time I was supposed to be back,but I fought to get it back.
  4. I lost 15-20 pounds during the time I dated my first boyfriend and during the aftermath, but then I gained it back. I just don’t eat when I get anxious. I’m better at it now.
  5.  I had the worst summer of my life but I finally got better around October and had a pretty great fall and winter.
  6. I cut my hair. I think I got 12 inches cut off. It felt good. I dyed it blonde. Well I got a bunch of highlights but it’s basically pretty blonde. I do it every now and again.
  7. I turned 25. Wasn’t my favorite birthday because I wasn’t in the best of spirits, but I feel like the rest of the year made up for it.
  8. I got my nose pierced. It’s actually really cute. I just felt like it. My friend said I would look good with it and I was like, hey that’s true so I just did it.
  9. I moved out. It’s so fun decorating and buying house things. It’s like fashion for your home.
  10. I got a third ear piercing.
  11. I got 3 tattoos. I will share pics soon.
  12. I got a bunny. Will shares pics of her too. She’s so cute. Her name is Ruthy. She’s strawberry blonde in color. Very beautiful. She’s just a baby. I love her. She’s sassy.
  13. I started dating more. I basically met my soul mate but then he got scared and ran off 3 times haha! It was basically a romantic comedy. Then he turned out to be a meanie and yeah he’s going through stuff and I just wanted to be there for him but apparently he doesn’t like when people care for him. Whatever. He’ll learn but I’m not going to play his games and put up with that or wait around. It is heart breaking though because he’s just acting out but still it’s no excuse. It hurts too because I know he was raised better than that and know he’s better than that. He’s just doubting himself now and going through a rough patch.
  14. I dated another guy too and we really hit it off. Maybe another soul mate. Then he got scared too. I don’t know what guys are afraid of haha! But he ran off too.
  15. My best friend died unexpectedly. He had a problem in his heart that was undetected until now. He just couldn’t be brought back. I’m still having a rough time with it. It doesn’t make sense.

 

 

It was a pretty eventful year. I feel like I changed so much and grew. It was also a really hard year. I think one thing I really learned in 2015 was to speak up and stand up for myself…especially in a relationship. Also,before in relationships when something went wrong, I took it really hard and so personally but really what I’ve finally learned is that it’s more about the other person and their issues than it is about me. It took me a long time to learn that but now I’m glad I have. I don’t take rejection so hard because I know it’s not me. I’m also really proud of myself because I may have been hurt in the past but I’m not afraid to try again for a relationship. I’m not scared to take the risk. It will pay off one day.

How was your 2015?

Did you see the Golden Globes?? I’m going to do a post about that too soon with pictures and stuff but for now, here is my top fav five. There was a lot of color and pattern this year. It makes me happy.

  1.  Amy Adams in the orange Atelier Versace gown. It looked so lush with her hair color too.
  2. Taylor Schilling in the black glitter Thakoon suit. Very edgy.
  3. Julianne Moore pretty much always wears Tom Ford. I loved her long sleeve navy sequin gown.
  4. Queen Latifah in the tiffany blue Badgley Mischka chiffon gown with the cape. Very ethereal.
  5. Jaimie Alexander in the black,green geometric print open back dress. So cool.

 

Stay fabulous!

Spades forever!

 

xoxo,

 

 

 

H

 

Top Trends Of 2015

Hey guys!

Thought I’d do a look back on all the top trends of 2015. I couldn’t think of a lot really. I think we’re still wearing stuff from other seasons and even way back when, but that’s fashion. This is just what stuck out in my mind for 2015. If you think of anymore, definitely comment because I had a hard time thinking of some.

 

  1. This was definitely the biggest one: Athleisure. Basically chic work out wear that you can wear outside the gym. I loved it. I still love it. I definitely participated. I will show a few examples.  Those grey pants with the pin stripe down the side are definitely a favorite pair of pants. I like how you can dress them up with booties or down with sneakers.

athleisure2015atheleisure 2015 twoathleisure2015 three

 

2. White sneakers was a big thing. I don’t have a picture, but I just got a super cute slip on pair from Gap that I love. I really liked the look. Kendall Jenner would wear them a lot. I think it looks so chic. The white all stars Cons are pretty effortless too. I’ve been thrifting for a pair at the thrift store but haven’t had luck yet. You can even wear them with a dress and I think that looks really hip,street,edgy. I like her pants too!

kendall jenner white sneaks

3. I think the 90s have always been a thing like grunge and stuff, but I noticed it especially in jewelry/hair. Those plastic chokers have been making a comeback and people are loving the half up pony look (me included). I used to wear those plastic chokers in elementary school. I won’t be wearing them again personally haha.

khloe half up pony     asos 90s choker

 

90s girl

4. Designer sneakers? Wasn’t that a thing? I feel like it was. It could have been a continuation from 2014 too. I remember they had those ugly chunky sandals too kind of like Birkenstocks…not a fan personally. I think Celine made a bunch.

chanel sneakers

5. Cut outs? I know that’s been a thing for a while too. But this summer, where I live, I noticed a lot of back cut outs or like back openings in shirts. I didn’t participate.

Something like this or a lot less in your face but they were definitely more towards the back and not in the front,sides,or shoulders. At least where I live anyways:

back chat cut out 2015

6. I think chambray was still a thing. I enjoyed wearing it head to toe personally.

7. Those furry key chains from Prada or Fendi or wherever. I just got one similar today at Macy’s.

fuzzy keychains

Please note got this picture at this blog so the credit goes to her and she has a fun DIY: https://jemappelleshen.wordpress.com/2015/06/11/diy-oversized-fur-keychain/

 

That’s pretty much all I could think of. Everything else was from a different year or nothing new really. If you think of anything else, tell me!

 

xoxo,

 

H

FCC Won’t Let Me Be Me

Hello,hello headbandits!

I’ve been feeling so good lately. Like myself again and really confident. I think one thing I learned this year and am finally getting it is you should never be afraid to stand up for yourself or speak your mind. I’ve had a hard time doing that in my past and think I’m finally to the point where I am not afraid anymore.

But it has its drawbacks. It’s kind of annoying actually and society bugs me. To me they aren’t drawbacks but it’s like society’s problem. The culture we live in. The topics are kind of all over the place but it’s stuff that has happened to me lately and it bothers me. I don’t think it’s right.

 

  1. If you’re too forward with your feelings, like with a guy and say what’s on your mind, you’re considered crazy. Also if you stand up for yourself and call them on their crap, like if you are mistreated, you’re considered crazy. Apparently you’re supposed to be quiet and get walked on…uh no. I’m over that.
  2. If you’re friendly and nice to everyone and then in return guy’s mistake it and give you unwanted attention, it’s your (the women’s) fault.
  3. Guys are way more confusing than I thought. I guess that’s not anything against society it’s just life. I try analyzing them and it’s pretty much futile. They make no sense. Here’s an example:
    1. You meet someone. You hang out for a week. Maybe you go on a bunch of dates and it’s only been a week’s time. If you’re having fun though…why not?!? Then the guy freaks out or gets scared. I have no idea really but it’s happened twice. I hit it off with someone and we hang out a bunch when we just met. Maybe you’re not supposed to do that but if you’re both into it, like I said, why not. Then they just stop talking to you. Give you no answer really. Are they just a jerk or were they just scared?! I have no idea really. But like if they aren’t into it anymore, just tell me either way. It bugs me more than anything. Just be honest. I can handle it. Like if you’re a jerk, own up to it. If you’re scared…why are you running away?!? Like especially if you felt a spark with someone…or thought you did. That’s rare in life. Why would you run the opposite direction? I don’t get it!! I guess on another tangent, I’ve learned something about myself. Yeah I’ve been hurt in the past by a relationship, but I’m not afraid to try again. I think that’s good. I won’t let my past define my future or my present. It took me a while to learn that though.
  4. Creativity and individuality isn’t celebrated. At least where I live. I live in a pretty conservative area. I was in this dress competition. I’ll write more about it later and show the picture. Apparently a long peplum skirt with a racerback crop top isn’t “family friendly.” It just showed a classy sliver of skin. I think it’s hilarious honestly that I got kicked out. It’s annoying though. What I made is what people are wearing in fashion now.  I will never be sorry for being unique, myself, and an individual.
  5. If you show up at someone’s house when you’ve been invited there a handful of times before, that’s considered creepy. Um, don’t invite me if I can’t randomly surprise you with being thoughtful. That’s being sweet not creepy. You’re creepy for thinking that.
  6. If you write someone a letter because they won’t answer you through texts, calls, emails,etc., that’s creepy too. Hmm I don’t think so. If I got a letter, I wouldn’t be creeped out. It’s a lost art honestly.
  7. People can’t handle spontaneity. That’s how I live my life. Apparently it’s creepy too and thought manic.

 

Whatever. People are too uptight lately and I’m just having fun in my life. I love who I am and I am so confident because of the love my parents showed me as a kid. They showed me I can do anything I put my mind to. They are everything to me.

xoxo,

 

 

H

Jamesing It

Hello,hello Headbandits!

How was your Thanksgiving?? Ready for Christmas? It sure sneaked up on us.

Sorry keep spacing those outfits. I got a new phone too, so I should be able to take better pics and what not.

It’s crazy how life can change in an instant. I got the worst news of my life last week. I lost my best friend, James. I’ve known him ten years. It was really out of the blue. I didn’t even know. I saw it on Facebook. I’m still in shock honestly. I’ve never lost someone so close to me. I don’t even understand it. Why now, why him. I guess he had a birth defect in his heart and didn’t know about it. It’s heartbreaking. We talk all the time. I keep wanting to text him but forget he’s not physically here anymore.

I wrote this about him last week on Facebook:

[I’m really in shock right now and utter disbelief about the passing of James. I just saw him two weeks. I never thought it’d be my last and I’m glad I saw him. I’ve known him almost 10 years. James had a way of being quoteable and always making me laugh. He kept it real and gave good advice. He had a zest and passion for life. He was always there for me. We both have a dream of NY in common and I’m so glad he got to go before he passed {he got to go in September of this year}; I just wish he could go a million more times. I don’t even know what to do right now. I will miss him so much. James you are and always will be…legen…wait for it…dary.]

It’s really hard. I still can’t believe it. We talked everyday. He was always there for me. He always knew what to say. I honestly am not sure what I will do without him.

I got this tattoo for him. We both love New York. He was going to move there eventually. I have no doubt he was going to be big. I don’t know why God had to pick him to leave or why. I guess things just happen sometimes. It makes me sick though. He was hilarious and caring and everything all wrapped in one. He was so awesome at life and effortless that I used to call it “Jamesing it” like use his name as a verb for getting things done without trying but it always being awesome.

brooklyn bridge tat

 

In rom coms there’s this thing where couples plan to meet on the Brooklyn Bridge like if they are fighting and want to forgive and forget what had happened and start over. They meet in the middle of the bridge and that means it was meant to be. A little diff context but this is for James Wiecks. We both love NY. I’m glad he got to go before he passed. I know one day we will meet again though. This is for you buddy.

After I got it, I noticed that the part in the middle looks like a bottom of a heart so I’m going to go back and the tat guy said he would do the curves to make it a heart.

 

xoxo,

 

H

I’m Still Growing Up, Up, Up…

Headbandits!

I’m feeling the itch to write. This is all kind of jumbled off based on a convo I just had with P, but I think it’s kind of an interesting form and I like it. It makes sense to me.

I never thought I would learn so much from my ex. I couldn’t talk to him for the longest time because the feelings were so high, but once I got some distance from it and time had passed, I could see the situation for what it really is. Now I can see that we aren’t meant to be together. At least right now. Probably even never. I don’t wish him any harm. I honestly still care for him and want to be his friend.

I used to blame him for what happened to me. I don’t think he meant to hurt me or have all those horrible things happen to me afterwards. I don’t blame him anymore.

Ok so this is where it starts to get all crazy form, so make of it what you will:

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Basically, at the time I was naive, so he could be someone different with me, like runaway from himself. But in the end, he could never run fast enough.

You have to remember that he always has those demons and darkness that he’s fighting.

What is he afraid of?<<<<<It could stem from self-doubt in himself.

It’s just weird bc I still feel like we have this bond and connection like when we talk on the phone we talk about anything. It’s not like it was before though bc he’s not my world. No guy is. And I know that now.

He honestly probably hates himself deep down.

“I’m just apart of you growing up, aren’t I?”<<<<<It is kind of true though. He’s been a part of you growing up and changing where as he’s just the same.

Why would he want to be alone?<<<<<Maybe he feels like he doesn’t deserve a relationship. Scared of getting close to someone?

I used to think that when someone mistreated me it was something I did, but it’s really a reflection about how that person feels about themselves.

I think you would have always remembered him anyway, but it’s a little different now.

I think we were closer before honestly. Idk he’s hiding something or something burned him pretty bad. He was with this other girl for like 2 yrs before his ex. He’s always lived with girls. I think he just wants to be alone for once. It’s weird though bc last year he seemed like he wanted a relationship so bad.

Maybe he thinks it’s more than a movie.

He’s an enigma.

I know it’s hard not to but I would try not to take it too personally. It’s definitely him and not you.

Why is he afraid of closeness?<<<<<It’s impossible to know. I think it just comes down to the fact that he’s a very messed up individual who’s had a lot of problems that probably still mess with him today.

Yeah he’s insecure because of what a mess his life is.

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This is more for me than anything, so if it doesn’t make sense to you, thanks for reading anyways. And thanks P for helping me realize some things again. I have awesome friends.

 

Did your kate spade surprise purchase comes?? Mine finally came today! Will share my haul soon. I’m having a major kate spade coma right now haha.

Thanks for reading.

Stay fabulous!

Spades forever!

 

xoxo,

 

 

 

H