Did I just do a Grown Up Thing?: Learning to Think with my Head over my Heart.

Hey readers, I am back again with an idea. It just came to me, so I had to write it somewhere.

Whenever I am faced with a hard decision in life, I tend to go with this feeling inside of me or this almost kick I feel inside my stomach. I call it the universe, but maybe it would be more accurate to call it a “heart” feeling. In past relationships, I tend to always think with my heart and not my head. It can be so hard once you feel attached to someone because love, or the illusion of love, is scientifically proven to be like a drug. I don’t know all the details, but I know the prospect of love changes the way your brain thinks clearly and tricks you into making stupid decisions by ways of high endorphins or dopamine levels.

When I was younger in my mid 20s, I always, always thought with my heart without thinking of the consequences. It could have been my inexperience with relationships or the fact that my brain wasn’t fully developed yet (that’s science for you), but every time in a relationship when things blew up in my face, I would get hurt and would be so surprised by that. I ignored all the logical red flags that were clearly there and wondered why things didn’t work out. It seems obvious now, but in the heat of things, it’s easy to let your heart win over your logic.

However, I think there finally comes a time in life, at least I know there has with mine, when you realize that universe “kick” might really be your inner conscious fighting your heart. There comes a point in life, especially now that I’m in my early 30s, where I have to be smart and think with my mind regarding the illusive love. My mind is stronger than my heart now and is literally telling my heart to back off by ways of my stomach being in knots. It’s hard for me because once I care for someone in a relationship, I typically don’t stop caring about them in some capacity no matter how dirty they did me.

But also there’s this realization that I can’t keep making the same mistakes I did when I was younger because I am worth more than that. I have more value than that. I am stronger than that. I know better than that. I also really don’t have time for that type of heartache anymore. Finally realizing this, after some time, has been freeing and empowering to me. I know I didn’t really explain how I learned this, but for me, it happened out of the blue while reflecting on my past and everything became so clear to me in one single moment. This weird pandemic year has been the worst, but I feel like personally it has brought the most growth and insight within me.

Catch you in the next post,

Haley